What Is PDA?
PDA stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance (sometimes described as Pervasive Drive for Autonomy). It's a nervous system response where everyday demands—especially those that feel controlling, pressured, or expected—can trigger a strong stress reaction.
People with a PDA profile often have a higher need for autonomy. When that autonomy feels threatened, the nervous system can shift into a fight/flight/freeze response. From the outside, this may look like refusal, avoidance, negotiation, or shutdown. But underneath, it’s the brain’s threat system (the amygdala) kicking in.
People with a PDA profile also have a strong need for equality and mutual respect. When a child feels talked down to, controlled, or treated as less than equal, it can register as a threat. What looks like “overreacting” is often the brain’s threat system saying: “I don’t feel safe or respected right now.”
PDA is commonly discussed within the autism community (and may overlap with other neurodivergent profiles), but every child is different. This page is for informational purposes only and is not a diagnostic tool.
What PDA can look like
PDA can show up in many ways, including:
- Saying "no" to everyday requests (even things they want to do)
- Escalating into meltdowns or intense anger when pressure continues
- Shutting down when demands pile up (school refusal, quitting activities, trouble eating or sleeping)
- Doing well in one moment… then becoming unable to engage the next
- Masking: seeming “fine” socially, then crashing later at home where it feels safe
- Strong reactions to transitions, time pressure, and even praise
These behaviors are signs of nervous system overload, not disrespect.
What PDA is not
PDA is not:
- "bad behavior"
- laziness
- manipulation
- a parenting failure
When overwhelmed by the above triggers, PDA kids are unable to access their prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that helps them think and regulate their emotions).
What tends to help
Families often find that kids do best with an approach that is:
1Connection-first
- •Focus on connection. Unfortunately much of the usual parenting advice won't fit here, and every family is on their own unique path to build that trust and connection.
- •Support autonomy. Think “mentor, guide and partner”: a steady, respectful presence and a listening ear.
2Nervous-system based
- •PDA isn’t a “won’t” problem, it’s a “can’t right now” problem.
- •You can think of it like a stress-disability: the system has a lower threshold for feeling trapped, judged, or controlled. Once that threshold is crossed, reasoning, planning, and “doing the right thing” becomes impossible.
3Co-regulation
- •When a PDA child is overwhelmed, they often need to “borrow” adult's nervous system to settle.
- •Work on your own triggers and take care of yourself. Your calm, steady presence is one of the most powerful supports you can offer.
PDA Resources
Below are resources we've found helpful for understanding PDA and supporting autonomy- and connection-based learning.
Good first stop in North America: a hub of supports/resources, downloads and insights.
A widely referenced UK organization that provides information, resources, training, and support for people and families with PDA.
Very practical parent-focused education resources. And look up their YouTube channel and podcast.
Clear, parent-friendly articles on low-demand approaches, threat response, and why traditional "behavior" strategies often backfire.
Personal, relatable podcast and posts, with reflections on nervous-system safety, day-to-day supports, and what actually helps at home.
Long-running, widely referenced PDA family blog with practical insights on life, school, and relationships—written by the author of PDA in the Family. Great for "we're not alone" validation and real-world strategies.
Thoughtful writing focused on PDA, autonomy, equality/equity-seeking, and relational safety, often from a lived-experience lens with practical reflections for parents in the trenches.
We're not a medical or clinical service, and this page is not medical advice. If you're seeking diagnostic support, we encourage you to consult a qualified professional.